My secrets are deeper than the sea

I feel so bad i got someone kicked off the computer just so i could write in my blog, well shows how dedicated i am. Poor woman prob looking for important info, i'm currently in the women's centre that we came to in Women Studies.

I have been thinking about my life alot and have come to the conclusion that i like to be pessemistic when someone gives me a compliment or they are trying to say something nice! I don't know why i do this but i know i have to stop it, it's really quite a downer. And this is how i have been feeling lately down! Don't ask me why becuase i won't tell you although i will say it's about living in the past and i should start to move on into the future after all i am becoming or have now become an ADULT! i've got bloody responsibilities that are not my responsibilities they are others yet i have to take them on also. I am also kinda sad that i have to leave things behind....not friends because i will always miss my friends no matter what only because things aren't ever going to be like they were in school. You have such different views on things in school, theres a comfort there knowing you are always turning up to school and they will be there but the comfort has been yanked from our feet and we are know sitting on cold pavement! Yes we will still hang out and talk but it just won't be the same but it will actually be for the better. We will mature more, our bonds will grow stronger and we will develop new friendships thus the better. Anyway as i was saying i think wat i will miss becuase i have to leave it behind is my immaturity and fickleness. It's more than two but these are the ones that i am going to dearly miss becuase i will no longer be allowed to blame anything on these two things i am an adult therefore should be mature and know where i am heading. I say this yet i know being an adult isn't always about maturity but for the most part it is. You don't have to be an adult to be mature that's true but once you are an adult it is expected of you.

The other thing that has made me quite angry and upset is the side of me that wished that i could have done more (see how i live in the past?). More in my life and friendships and other factors in my life that are not a big deal yet i crave them. Damn i really need to speak to a shrink i want someone to take in every thought every word and action so that they can tell me what it is i have in my head but i know what it is. It's doubt, fear and anger. These things have built up from my child hood and i need to take control and stop them from becoming a real problem in my life. Okay psycho talk i better stop now or i'll end up uncovering painful memories.

I hate work at the moment coz i only got 30 dollars pay how crap but meh could care less i'm quitting soon. I'm actually spose to be meeting my aunty to help her get the bond for the house we're gonna rent but i don't really care coz the house is shit and for the amount that we're going to be have to be paying it's even more lousy! Any way yesterday i went to work and scot asked if i was going to dinner and if i wasn't it was going to be ashame because i'm maybe getting an award! YAY i love em. meh i'm still not going mostly coz i prob won't be working there then so i aint turnin up to dinner when i've quit.

Ciao hons have fun in your holidays and don't do what i do and dream make things happen what's that saying cease the day in french? Capay deam?