Harder to learn

Be Strong...Be Powerful...Be Graceful...Be Sexy...Be an Angel and SMILE ALOT!!!

I have found the cutttest blog!!! Oh my gosh it has now become an addiction i am reading blogs that were written yonks ago only becuz the person that rites them kinda sounds like me at times and says things that i can only imagine writing but never do!!!

So everything looks like its going fine at the moment but i'm kinda waiting for that moment to pass i know i won't last long oh and by the way did i tell you guys i'm moving again in 6 months if things don't brighten up. IT definately gonna suck but i'll be no i won't be happier i wrecked things and now i feel guilty but hopefully they don't stay the same so we can emotionlly move on and not literally! My montra stays yet it fills an empty hole with hope its better than feeding a reality of loneliness into denial. Mwah children listen to your parents don't eat too many sweets and love life and yourself otherwise you'll always be searching for that someone to do it for you and believe be you dont want that. Find yourself first, find out who you truly are, want to be and why then you can spread your wings and hover through the millions of faces trying to figure out if your finally where you belong. Goodbye my little ones, don't let others destroy your dreams or get to you. The outcomes of your coolness is far better than when you lose it. I am now at this point and i'm SORRY i know i'm blamed but guess what i don't care the only thing i care about is living my life at the moment selfish but it's my plan and i intend to see it through until the day comes when i realise that my life is no longer just about me but about those that i love. Hard lesson to learn i think i know it but i'm fooling myself if i did know it i wouldn't be this way, i wouldn't hurt them like i do, i wouldn't ignore them and i definately would not leave them in the lerch wondering what my next move is. It's hard but hopefully once i understand what it is that i am trying soo hard to find then maybe that's when i will finally be free to love and let others in. I can't believe i'm like this you think you know my life yet you cannot imagine the pain i inflict, you can't imagine the hours of guilt i throw in so that i can bring myself to say sorry. Don't think this is some lame ass post about attention becuz it's a lame ass post about the way i know i feel and thought these feelings had disappeared until that stupid day. Now i am where i started but i will somehow get over it again i will try harder, i'll listen heck i won't say a word until i know it is my turn to speak! Life is brilliant at times when nothing else is on your shoulders, when the only person you know you have to be nice to is yourself but that isn't always enough, you need others becuz you can't always handle it on your own and i'm beginning to understand those words that have been lectured to me day and night for the past years of my adolesence and i guess it is better late than never yet it isn't late not for another few more long and painful days of getting to know who i really am.

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